a funny thing happened on the way to today

sometime between last night and right now, i had a complete emotional detox. thanks to a few connections at the right time, i'm standing facing a new direction and perception.

i've thought i "let go" before and didn't realize my hands and heart were playing a switching game with me when i wasn't looking. this time it's like a flash of lightening hit me and suddenly i know tomorrow is going to be wonderful and holds so much ambition for me!

a few of  you had to do with this lightening strike, so thanks are due. for now, i am going to share a quote from a movie that also was a part of this formula. i usually don't watch movies i've seen before-however something made me think to rent "Broken English". 

post watching, my face hurts from smiling and i can't wait for the rest of my life to start tomorrow. that being said i'll leave you with a quote from Jean-Paul, a character Nora meets in Paris looking for Julien.

It's not wrong to want someone

  
to love you.

  
Most people are together

  
just so they are not alone,

  
but some people want magic.

  
I think you are one of those people.

  
Nothing wrong with that?

  
Nothing,
but it doesn't

  
happen all the time.

  
Does it ever happen?

  
First, Nora,
you must find love

  
and happiness in yourself.

together now...

usually my "blog" silence comes when i'm dealing with something over on the other side of my computer screen.

usually it means i have been doing and thinking and living a lot of stuff; both good and eh.

this time is no exception. and per my usual pattern, we are going to rewrite some scripts, keep this entry short and embark on a new journey.

oh but this time we are doing it together. that's right. so reach out your hand, don't be afraid. we are going to grab hold of each others hands-just like in a lifetime movie special and march right through to the next scene.

not exactly the truth. but here's what collective work has provided me with; a reminder of the importance of I.

i've read about 7 books on improving myself in a particular area, consulted with friends; during walks, workouts, music shows and google voice text messages. and i have taught my first zumba class tonight.  all of which have brought me to the same conclusion; nothing in this life can happen effectively when I (you) (me) (myself) am not balanced. and in order to be balanced-- I needs to be centered. 

you cannot teach a zumba class if you haven't practiced over and over again... because no one is going to move in any direction when you yourself aren't sure. tonight, we moved. and how!

every single one of the books i read has some chapter about focusing on yourself. they might sound different from each authors point of view, but happiness in life cannot come from any other source other than yourself, FIRST.

so that's my touchy feely post silence lesson for all of us. together now: go into your bathroom, or other area of your house that has a mirror. stand in front of it, pick it up, and look into it.  see yourself there and refocus until you are centered.

here's the cool thing-- getting my zumba certificate was a bit like getting a pony for christmas. its everything i've ever dreamed of--its fun, i'm learning, i'm getting fit and helping others have fun, get fit and be happy.(psst i also have some other good things that will be reported in the near future.) all of which, despite some of my entries i submitted to the complaint department, were products of I. products of playing above the line.

look i was quiet for awhile--when i probably should have been running my mouth on this very soapbox i've created for myself, because it's totally motivated by me, myself and (ahem) I.







so anytime the image in the mirror fades- run as fast as you can to someone (or some people) or something (a book or 7) that will hold up a mirror and make you face yourself.

drafts, deletes and then some

i've wanted to share my thoughts with you for some time now. yes with you and the world. as i've been told i am not a very private person since i have so much public space for venting.

and yet i come to these "create new posts spaces" unable to complete a sentence, a thought, a...

which pretty accurately describes how i've been feeling these days. i've drafted lots of posts. i've deleted status messages and tweets, annoyed with myself for saying things. always saying things.

i've vented. and vented. i've been angry. i've been drawing. i'm happy to welcome this old friend. have very much enjoyed drawing. charcoal. pencil. colours. lines. emotions.

i've worked out. crossed things off my lists. laughed. been happy. took a ride on my high horse for awhile.

so i'm sure i'll get back to some more regular rambles from yours truly--seeking a better understanding of myself, through your eyes, comments, supports and textes.. .but for now.

i've been living.

3 is the magic number

okay folks. so we all have heard the crazy snow reports coming from DC. that being said Week 3 wasn't much of a goal achieving week! In fact it's probably the opposite. 


not too many complaints though. the snow was incredible- there are rumors of more snow on monday and friday of next week- however i am hoping those snow days won't keep us inside. as a new england gurl- i didn't represent too well on the spending time outside in the snow front. 


i'm really not about to hate on myself-- and just going to readjust the goals for week 4. and share with you a couple of pictures of the "Snowmageddon 2k10".


[rolls up sleeves]


last week:

1. i will go to the gym 3 times this week. (monday, wednesday and not sure the third day!?)
focus is on cardio for the next month No. is the appropriate response to this question.
2. i will continue to go to bed before 11:30pm (stay at 3 days) (bonus 4 days) surprise surprise...snowmageddon helped cross this one off the list. no bonus though.
3. i will sit down with my $ book and write down the rest of january's spending Yes. is the appropriate response to this question.
4. i will not buy food for lunch more than 2x this week alright Snowmageddon gets points again for helping cross off this one.
5. i will arrive at work at least 1 time at 9am (i know it's a tough life) (we are building up to starting work at 8:30am this summer) (small steps) done. last week arrived at 8:30am.
6. i will not check log onto my FB page at work more than 3 times a day (using sidebar instead) okay- i did really well the first couple of days then went a bit crazy... this one is going back on the list.
7. (okay 6 is my lucky number but i have another one) i will increase my work productivity by 10%  again another first couple of great days then a fall out towards the end. 




THIS WEEK:
(this is going to be a combo of week 3 and week 4) i will give a mid week update on sunday but won't redo goals until next sunday-given the lag in updates this week)


1. Gym stays up there. 3 days. Need some really good cardio days. (BONUS = 4 days/strength day) (or bonus can be using leg bands at home for 3 days)
2. Bed time should be early, but this week's goal will be-- getting up at 7:15am 3 days next week.
3. Presidents day would be a good mid month money check in-- so $ book goes on this list.
4. Arrive at work at 8:30am 2 x next week 
5. lay low on the FB checkin-- no signing onto FB (only use sidebar) for 4 days 
6. 10% increase at work... do one more thing than i thought i would do each day.
7. figure out my food stuff-- either cut down on the junk or eat salad or soup for lunch or dinner 4 times
8. finish posting project with room for rent in RI (fax to churches)
9. make a trip to goodwill to drop off stuff


alright kids. stay warm and safe... wish me luck with these goals. about to get back to work for work since it's a snow day and actually the most productive of all my days this week. 

week 2 updates/week 1 report card

week 2

thoughts: midway through the week i thought my weekly goal planning wasn't going to be so easy and who really cares i should just let it fade away. and then on wednesday i took a zumba class sky rocketing my dopamine and serotonin. suddenly i wanted to keep those goals and worked to do so-- i might not have hit them on target but hey small steps keep us moving also.


1. go to the gym 3 times, most likely:  monday, wednesday (am) thursday (pm)  went to the gym 2x (wednesday and thursday)
2. i will go to bed before or at 11:30pm 3-4 days out of the week (did this!) (3 nights)
3. i will bring my checkbook to work and set up my direct deposit savings
4. i will call any past due bills (ugh fail!)
5. i will eat brown rice 4 days this week for a meal (i add stuff to it) (okay so i ate brown rice twice on the weekend days)
6. i will eat oatmeal for breakfast 3-4 days this week (fail)

this week:

1. i will go to the gym 3 times this week. (monday, wednesday and not sure the third day!?)
focus is on cardio for the next month

 








2. i will continue to go to bed before 11:30pm (stay at 3 days) (bonus 4 days)
3. i will sit down with my $ book and write down the rest of january's spending
4. i will not buy food for lunch more than 2x this week
5. i will arrive at work at least 1 time at 9am (i know it's a tough life) (we are building up to starting work at 8:30am this summer) (small steps)
6. i will not check log onto my FB page at work more than 3 times a day (using sidebar instead)
7. (okay 6 is my lucky number but i have another one) i will increase my work productivity by 10% 

alright wish me luck folks... and she's going the distance!

week 1

while i went to bed thinking about this blog post-- i actually had weird baby dreams. i might need to rethink the metaphor i'm using as a comparison!?!?

none the less-- here is post one of my 40 week journey. regardless of the confusion-- it is a wonderful thought to think if committed something will be dramatically different in the same time it takes to create a little person---sans stretch marks, discomfort or traditional labor pains. i'll have my own "labor" pains as i know all change comes with moments of being uncomfortable.

so lets jump in. here's how it's going to work-- i'm going to map out some of my overall goals i hope to obtain at the end of these 9 months. each week i'm going to plan out the goals i have for the week that i feel will help me work towards my end goals at a pace i can maintain.

my patterns in life have shown someone who can jump in full forth but loses steam part way through the run. for this extended journey its time to maintain a healthy stride only speeding up when i can see the finish line.

so here goes-- i'm going to list my goals. part of this first post as with any new life, i'm only able to outline them at this time. however with SMART goals, it's important to define exactly what you hope to attain with a timeline. today you get the draft and at some point, i will define them so they are measurable, but for now without any further ado...

GOALS:
*manage my $/begin savings
what does this mean?
pay off all debt that's behind right now.  follow drafted plan. once debt is caught up, follow strict budget created last october. start with small savings, eventually have diverse savings. 2-5 years from now look at investing in stock.

*feel balanced with my health/eliminate as many "bad" food choices
what does this mean?
the first part of this goal has to do with losing some weight. (per usual) this time i'd like to lose an initial 5 lbs (easy right!) then focus on the second part of this goal. eating whole grains as much as possible. eventually stop purchasing chips! (this is a big one) (i didn't say never eat them again--just don't keep them in my house). continue my marcrobiotic education--focusing on feeling a yin/yan balance everyday. this goal is also about maintaining good sleep habits.

*go to the gym regularly
what does this mean?
stay fit! these first few weeks will be about going to the gym 2-3 times per week. once i'm committing to that, then i want to permanently work out (sometimes that can be outside) for at least 3 times per week. each workout should burn at a minimum 400-500 calories, which means on non gym days outdoor activities (walking, biking, hiking etc) should burn 400-500 calories. i will plan out my weeks to incorporate gym days.

*continue to reflect on my relationship
what does this mean?
my partner is an amazing man. he makes the world a better place to live in. each day i'm happier because he's a part of my life. (that's the simple version of how i feel about him, with him) this goal is simply to maintain an awareness of my role in this relationship. my commitment. and the work i will put into it. in respect to my private partner, i won't be talking much about this goal-- other than acknowledging that it is a part of my 40 week project- but will go beyond those 40 weeks and so it is vital that i'm open to learning and understanding the unique ways this grows.


and this week:

1. go to the gym 3 times, most likely:  monday, wednesday (am) thursday (pm)
2. i will go to bed before or at 11:30pm 3-4 days out of the week
3. i will bring my checkbook to work and set up my direct deposit savings
4. i will call any past due bills
5. i will eat brown rice 4 days this week for a meal (i add stuff to it)
6. i will eat oatmeal for breakfast 3-4 days this week


see you next week.

40 weeks

the last year or so (okay last 6 years or so) losing more weight has been my favorite blog topic, #1 resolution, random mid year goal, birthday goal, or reason to work out harder. its been in the forefront of my mind, part of almost everyday in some way or shape.

and suddenly i meet someone that seems to like me. just as i am. a little extra pudge, a few curves, booty and all- likes me. and realized that new year came and went without any blog posts about losing weight. he in no way creates validation to never work out again or not maintain my health and fitness, however his genuine approval of me, provides permission to forgive myself. to eat pizza and beer and not stress that i only went to the gym one time this week.

i've found myself shifting my focus on some pretty important goals in my life. financial fitness and learning what it means to be myself in a relationship. something not so new and something new--for the new year.

with these newly declared resolutions, we always hit the ground running. we are so committed to writing down every purchase for the first week or so. so committed to being open and honest all the time. all of us are all too familiar with the new years crowd at the gym, literally hitting the ground with their own triumphs to achieve. then we get comfortable or lazy or tired-- stopping without any 'check-in' on our progress.

recently i have also realized that i have made an effort to 'practice what i preach' in the classes i teach at work. practicing assertive communication, 'I' statements and productive conflict resolution. i'm nowhere near perfect, thus reinforcing my 'we are all learning' statement i traditionally make in the beginning of class.

then i thought about how in my work, we also ask women to create goals and i personally help them come up with a step by step plan. we meet twice a month and i help cross off or re-outline their progress! we celebrate their success and work on next steps together as a team. and i thought of my own life, i have some amazing support, but never has anyone asked me the steps towards my goals. never have i even thought about writing out the steps.

it is only recently that i actually and very specifically asked for support with my financial goals. specifically to sit down and ask me how i've been doing. to check in on my progress.

all i have ever done is enjoyed your praises with every new blog posts laying out the beginning of my goals.  and so i realized that i need to break things down. i need to--have a baby.

all of my child bearing friends have suddenly changed from people i knew that used months to talk about time and now use weeks to measure progress. i never have any idea 'how far along' anyone is when they answer in weeks. but i have learned that each week, the baby has changed so much. each week a significant progress in the life of these babies morphing into little people soon to grace this world with more joy than their parents have shared with each of us.

so i have learned that in 40 weeks, our bodies (women only for now) can create a new life. week by week, before you know it, 9 months have passed and we're all waiting on edge for this new beautiful life to emerge into the world.

and so i've decided to fertilize my own goals.

each week i will provide progress on my goals and tell you what new shape or form they have taken. i will use this blog to keep you all posted on the growth of this new life i am creating in safety of my world. because yearly doesn't work, randomly isn't helpful and each day doesn't seem realistic. so each week, it's time to show off my 'baby bump'.

feel free to send congratulations in forms of small cash donations. and feel free to celebrate the changes my baby takes each week. i look forward to your support with my baby-xperiment.  and look forward to having you there when this new life FINALLY emerges.

the best part of babies, is no matter what they look like, each parent thinks they are the most beautiful in the world. and so i'm ready to create this new life-- and to have it be beautiful and wonderful in my own eyes. and i know that with all the work i will be committing to, i will be happier at the end of these 40 weeks--as it will truly be-- a labor of love.