balance

whole foods tim has a tattoo on his ankle that is about having a balanced life. he told me that in thailand instead of saying what's up people ask if you're life is feeling balanced--i may have gotten the exact wording wrong but the general understanding is there.

i think that is really profound of the thai. its something i should probably embrace with my dear friends as i am realizing finding balance in life is not as easy as balancing on one foot.

home is always such a blessing. good people, places and food. fond memories and moments from the past and in the present. and so much more of the cheesy good lines that hallmark loves so much.

but visits home are never fully balanced. ever since getting hit by the train, it seems that i focus more on things directly connected or pretty close to home. i love spending time at home but also find that i miss out on hugging and seeing some very important people in my life, leaving with promises of a speedy return.

its always the paragraphs before the flight home, starting as early as the night before that sink me into a shallow pool of wonder. how long do i think i'll stay in DC? how many more trips home can i make without wanting to stay? and how will i ever leave all the things in DC that have made my foundation all the stronger?

for now this last paragraph is ready for sleep however i have a list of things to do and of things i forgot to do and need to attend to tomorrow.

they say you can never go home again. and i say you may never be able to return home again but i'm welcome here all the time. if only i can balance the welcome with the leaving and the visiting with the people and not feel like my tree pose is slightly leaning, almost falling.

waste some time

here's a site to waste- i meant spend some time on. why because it's good. when i came across this story i more than understood, am sharing it here with you:

dooya

Recently I realized that I waste my life on the internet ... and published this insight in a blog.

http://www.onesentence.org/stories/popular/all/

could have been a monday

i'm a poster child for why not to skip breakfast. when i'm running late i usually grab food when i get to work and it all works out. this time i decided to run late and lock my keys in the house.

genius here--

so now i'm biking to work calling my landlady and friends that have extra keys-yes while biking! (and getting mean grilled from hardcore bikers in spandex for breaking i guess some biking code of biking while on the phone!?!) the best part is i have a friend in town and need to give him the keys to get into my apartment.

couldn't be more fun of a morning until i get to work and announce my woes and need to go and get breakfast when one of our interns informs me that there are donuts in the main office.

perfect- all sugar- bad for me breakfast to stave off the hunger pangs and give me that good ole sugar high- long enough to figure out the shenanigans of my morning while blending into the shenanigans of my (already busy enough) work day.

brilliant.

so thats what happens...

i am going to head to bed but i should note much happier than two days ago... abridged version why...
1. friends (venting always helps)
2. therapy (see above)
3. massage (why didn't i start this sooner)
4. cleaning products that work and smell wonderful
5. clean apartment
6. textes from boys
7. going to bed happy
8. giving the universe that "look"- you know- the one that says you almost had me fooled that you were nowhere in site and leaving me to fend off this stress alone. but you done done it and now i can rest easy.

All i had to do was look up and remember where i was. Where i am, for the urge to vomit over his intrusion into my life passed. All of them bad choices, poison.

pursue happiness. whether its 1776 or 2009.

lazy fourth. i started my manicure over because the paint was old and looked horrible. i now have a new manicure with the french style but silver-ish tips. kind of boring so i added some pink sparkles. i'm not sure how long my "french- by a 13 year old" style will last.

per usual there were other things i could/should have worked on today. but my pedicure and manicure and blog editing-oh of course who can forget continual facebook checking seem to win everything over.

although all is not lost. tonight as long as it's not busy i'll be heading down the mall with jesse to watch fireworks in OUR NATIONS CAPITAL!

i do want to back up however. i have received some comments regarding my last post and i think i need to edit it a bit.

1.thank you for the kudos on the 2lbs lost. i wish i could be excited BUT alas it's weight that should have never been added in the first place. i still got some work to do.
2. okay dating 3 boys. i guess i just meant that i'm interested in boys. and they seem to be interested in me. and i haven't committed my heart and soul to any of them. and i'm not interested in even allowing my heart to be open...yet.

i'm at a very strong place in my life right now. its going to take a grand jury and maybe some flowers to convince me of tearing any walls down around my heart. sure mention jacob or rjb and you might seem me shudder-even mwf put a crack in one of the walls but otherwise i'm back on a foundation that i need to maintain.

its called the "love my apartment, cook good food, stay fit and enjoy flirting and fun with boys" stage of my life. this phase also includes but is not limited to; homemade margarita nights at home with friends that make me smile, visiting family and recharging batteries (family in all different zipcodes), hiking outside and not hearing the city for a day, walking my neighbors dog and enjoying the genuine love animals give away on the regular, grilling, loving-did you hear that, LOVING work and being challenged on the daily by work, staying in touch with the "contacts" in my phone (i like to call them my friends), having more positive conversations with my mom, updating or not updating my blog, having days off, paying bills on time, walking, walking some more, morning runs, late nights--i think its called living.

and how poignant to be reminding myself and others of the importance of living life keeping your-self in front of everything else,and pursuing your happiness before everything else-on the birthday of our nation. our nation- where freedom rings over our country whose founding fathers also knew the importance of this pursuit and chose to remind us in our very own declaration of independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

just a minute of your time

i need to leave work because i'm not mentally working. or physically working either.

i ran three mornings (short runs) this week.

the scale dropped 2 lbs.

i'm interested in dating 3 different boys and have no plans to even try to figure anything out regarding each of them.

ok. i'm getting nowhere--time to change that.

happy fourth.