to lose 10 lbs. okay it isn't really 10lbs but i'm going to try to lose as much as possible.
i was doing so good until things got shaken and rattled.
apartment is good but temptation is too easy to give into these days.
i don't think reifler would care if i lost those 10lbs or not, but his call was so inspirational i would like to continue to ride the wave of inspiration and put it to work.
so. 15lbs it is. i have one bonus day (the 30th) to get a running start or eat the last of the whole world of junk i've been consuming.
here we go.
(again and again)
(sigh)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
how i ate my 660 burned calories today
a story of stubborn weight loss
by: janaina stanley
1. bread pudding- honestly i was looking for an apple in the kitchen, when i was informed there were not any apples and i should eat bread pudding instead
2. pirate booty- c'mon they are just air! and some corn and cheese-- free lunch is at 12:50p and there were no apples so i needed SOMETHING to keep me from having a meltdown lol
3. strawberry rhubarb pie cooked by ann (my supervisor) = yum! had to eat it, supervisor made it from scratch
4. although i missed the ice cream portion of the official "april birthday celebrations" i felt obligated to eat a small (yes it was small-- uhmm like 1 inch by 1 inch) piece of cake
5. oh and i def. had a slice of white bread for b-fast with the eggs and lunch
where is my discipline?
*please note that this entire entry was written with a smirk on my face after enjoying that 1 in x 1 in piece of cake!
by: janaina stanley
1. bread pudding- honestly i was looking for an apple in the kitchen, when i was informed there were not any apples and i should eat bread pudding instead
2. pirate booty- c'mon they are just air! and some corn and cheese-- free lunch is at 12:50p and there were no apples so i needed SOMETHING to keep me from having a meltdown lol
3. strawberry rhubarb pie cooked by ann (my supervisor) = yum! had to eat it, supervisor made it from scratch
4. although i missed the ice cream portion of the official "april birthday celebrations" i felt obligated to eat a small (yes it was small-- uhmm like 1 inch by 1 inch) piece of cake
5. oh and i def. had a slice of white bread for b-fast with the eggs and lunch
where is my discipline?
*please note that this entire entry was written with a smirk on my face after enjoying that 1 in x 1 in piece of cake!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
better day
for the day starting out with a horrendous weight on the scale, it's been pretty good.
it's not yet 8am (just about) and i've already been to the gym and back thanks to my new neighbor/friend erika.
i made eggs and am about to jump in the shower. its funny, i'm feeling a little suspect about being awake, finishing the class and not feeling totally out of whack.
maybe my better self has been waiting to awake at 6am and workout before work and my loser self was staying in bed feeling pathetic about random things?
who knows. it doesn't really matter. all that matters is i'm here. i'm awake. i feel great and i just burned 660.83 (according the Glamour magazine calorie calculator!) calories.
good morning to you too.
it's not yet 8am (just about) and i've already been to the gym and back thanks to my new neighbor/friend erika.
i made eggs and am about to jump in the shower. its funny, i'm feeling a little suspect about being awake, finishing the class and not feeling totally out of whack.
maybe my better self has been waiting to awake at 6am and workout before work and my loser self was staying in bed feeling pathetic about random things?
who knows. it doesn't really matter. all that matters is i'm here. i'm awake. i feel great and i just burned 660.83 (according the Glamour magazine calorie calculator!) calories.
good morning to you too.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
white blanket - this isn't all about me. just parts.
i should have been sleeping. i started to yawn non stop after 9pm when i sat down to enjoy my dinner. and instead i decided to drink more red and make cookies that i attempted to share with my neighbors.
my neighbors were out until about 11:45pm-- i got "sean neighbor's" text and told him i would meet him outside in 5 minutes to share my experimental dozen or so of cookies. i slide them into the bag still wrapped in tin foil from after they all were covered when i thought sharing wasn't going to happen as it was quite some time before their replies surfaced onto my phone.
and i stepped outside and handed "sean neighbor" the bag of cookies. he might have said thanks, i don't remember because despite the "active listening" class i taught today-i, was not listening. in fact i had stopped listening and instead focused on the white blanket i saw across the street.
i commented to sean-- there's a person there, do you think its going to be cold tonight? and sean and i proceeded in a dialogue about the weather and i attempted to call the hypothermia hotline and hung up, thinking in my head "its not hyporthermia season and lots of people sleep outside on the regular, what makes you think they should get special attention..."
i pushed the thought out of my head, ran upstairs and looked for a blanket. i didn't have one so i grabbed my wallet, walked downstairs and told sean "hurry up, we are going to the Giant and i was supposed to be in bed 2 hours ago."
before heading to the Giant, i should mention that i called the hypothermia hotline again, afterall i've had it in my phone and haven't used it so why not now... and asked do you all pass out blankets. and they answered, despite my thought that they would laugh at me--that they do. although now past hyporthermia season, they close at midnight and i would have to call well before midnight.
so-- back to the giant where i told sean i was looking for an emergency blanket although i doubted giant had them. so we got nutri grain bars, bread and a vitamin water. only to deliver it to a man who poked his head out from the blanket and thanked us for the food multiple times along with saying "god bless you" as i ever so cooly responded that 'it was just a little something and i (as i turned and saw another gray blanket) didn't know there was more than one person' and that the hyporthermia hotline passes out blankets but is closed--and he responded 'there usually is a third person, is he there-- we're good with blankets, but god bless you.'
and i share this now, staying up even later, not because i want you to know the good deed i did, but rather to remind you as i remind myself on the regular, despite all my frustrations, i am so blessed to sleep inside, in an apartment, in the warmth of my bed.
i will talk to them some night when i'm not 2 and a half hours late for bed. and i will hear their story.
but tomorrow night if they are there, i will give them my cookies as they are probably the neighbors i should have been feeding in the first place. and stop being too cool, when handing food to someone who may be hungry.
my neighbors were out until about 11:45pm-- i got "sean neighbor's" text and told him i would meet him outside in 5 minutes to share my experimental dozen or so of cookies. i slide them into the bag still wrapped in tin foil from after they all were covered when i thought sharing wasn't going to happen as it was quite some time before their replies surfaced onto my phone.
and i stepped outside and handed "sean neighbor" the bag of cookies. he might have said thanks, i don't remember because despite the "active listening" class i taught today-i, was not listening. in fact i had stopped listening and instead focused on the white blanket i saw across the street.
i commented to sean-- there's a person there, do you think its going to be cold tonight? and sean and i proceeded in a dialogue about the weather and i attempted to call the hypothermia hotline and hung up, thinking in my head "its not hyporthermia season and lots of people sleep outside on the regular, what makes you think they should get special attention..."
i pushed the thought out of my head, ran upstairs and looked for a blanket. i didn't have one so i grabbed my wallet, walked downstairs and told sean "hurry up, we are going to the Giant and i was supposed to be in bed 2 hours ago."
before heading to the Giant, i should mention that i called the hypothermia hotline again, afterall i've had it in my phone and haven't used it so why not now... and asked do you all pass out blankets. and they answered, despite my thought that they would laugh at me--that they do. although now past hyporthermia season, they close at midnight and i would have to call well before midnight.
so-- back to the giant where i told sean i was looking for an emergency blanket although i doubted giant had them. so we got nutri grain bars, bread and a vitamin water. only to deliver it to a man who poked his head out from the blanket and thanked us for the food multiple times along with saying "god bless you" as i ever so cooly responded that 'it was just a little something and i (as i turned and saw another gray blanket) didn't know there was more than one person' and that the hyporthermia hotline passes out blankets but is closed--and he responded 'there usually is a third person, is he there-- we're good with blankets, but god bless you.'
and i share this now, staying up even later, not because i want you to know the good deed i did, but rather to remind you as i remind myself on the regular, despite all my frustrations, i am so blessed to sleep inside, in an apartment, in the warmth of my bed.
i will talk to them some night when i'm not 2 and a half hours late for bed. and i will hear their story.
but tomorrow night if they are there, i will give them my cookies as they are probably the neighbors i should have been feeding in the first place. and stop being too cool, when handing food to someone who may be hungry.
i will never be a skinny gurl, and here's why...
....i have free food on the regular at work for lunch.
....our cook makes random yummy breakfasts/lunches and desserts available for staff
....i haven't settled into my apartment or back into my WORKOUT routine
....i keep running on empty and filling up before the breaking point with the WORST possible options.
....i enjoy beer with the boys next door.
....i just realised sans coconuts next time, i'm a good baker.
....i'm tired. sigh. so very tired.
...i date jerks and when they are gone fill the void with just as bad food options.
...i love salad but haven't been waking up early enough to make a salad for lunch which would help get the addiction back.
...i don't HATE the way i look with some extra softness. but LOVE the way i look when working out and wish that love was a bit stronger.
...i like to eat
...my workout modes are so intense they burn me out
...i seem to think a workout partner would help
...and would love if that partner was more than just for the gym
...have i said i'm tired? because i am.
but i miss the gym enough that maybe just maybe one day i'll be my own skinny gurl. not to be confused with "one who wears skinny jeans", i'll never be (nor want to be) able to fit into that trend.
....our cook makes random yummy breakfasts/lunches and desserts available for staff
....i haven't settled into my apartment or back into my WORKOUT routine
....i keep running on empty and filling up before the breaking point with the WORST possible options.
....i enjoy beer with the boys next door.
....i just realised sans coconuts next time, i'm a good baker.
....i'm tired. sigh. so very tired.
...i date jerks and when they are gone fill the void with just as bad food options.
...i love salad but haven't been waking up early enough to make a salad for lunch which would help get the addiction back.
...i don't HATE the way i look with some extra softness. but LOVE the way i look when working out and wish that love was a bit stronger.
...i like to eat
...my workout modes are so intense they burn me out
...i seem to think a workout partner would help
...and would love if that partner was more than just for the gym
...have i said i'm tired? because i am.
but i miss the gym enough that maybe just maybe one day i'll be my own skinny gurl. not to be confused with "one who wears skinny jeans", i'll never be (nor want to be) able to fit into that trend.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
friday
went for a morning run with erika (neighbor). was good. just want my body needed- well that and some intensive workouts to get back into the place that feels good.
detox is feeling better. going to make a "eat like a normal person" shopping list and restock the fridge with normal food vs. random purchases made during late night Giant trips.
really enjoying warm weather and sun and happy to look down on my toolbar and see sunny forecasts for the couple of days.
picked up erich fromms "the art of love" from a yardsale and really enjoyed one of his theories on falling in love. that what we feel for a person in the beginning of a relationship is not actually falling in love and when everything fizzles its not the person we miss but rather we realize the depth of our loneliness prior to meeting that person.
obviously he says it much better than i- i will update it when i have the book in front of me. but def. put some of my actions into clearer more accurate perspective.
glad to know i'm normal. ;)
when i start working out on the regular and feel better wholly and fully- this time- i'm not looking back.
detox is feeling better. going to make a "eat like a normal person" shopping list and restock the fridge with normal food vs. random purchases made during late night Giant trips.
really enjoying warm weather and sun and happy to look down on my toolbar and see sunny forecasts for the couple of days.
picked up erich fromms "the art of love" from a yardsale and really enjoyed one of his theories on falling in love. that what we feel for a person in the beginning of a relationship is not actually falling in love and when everything fizzles its not the person we miss but rather we realize the depth of our loneliness prior to meeting that person.
obviously he says it much better than i- i will update it when i have the book in front of me. but def. put some of my actions into clearer more accurate perspective.
glad to know i'm normal. ;)
when i start working out on the regular and feel better wholly and fully- this time- i'm not looking back.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
i am not going to lie
i can now send posts via email and phone. my life is getting better and better. well that and reifler is coming.
i actually have a meeting to run to, but basically although i didn't get up whistling dixie, or as early as i wanted to, i did feel much better with the thought of reifler visiting.
more thoughts post meeting.
i actually have a meeting to run to, but basically although i didn't get up whistling dixie, or as early as i wanted to, i did feel much better with the thought of reifler visiting.
more thoughts post meeting.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
day two quickie
not gonna lie folks. this is me NOT at my best. feeling pretty down and out and not sure what i need to get out of this funk. (some spring time would help)
there's the whole grieving thing-- but added to that, it seems since the end of JAD i've not been able to kick all this grey out of me. it's a different kind of grey-junk-funk-ick-mess that seems to be like super glue that you accidently spill on your fingers and it's so hard to get off.
i never wish time to go any faster than it already does but at times like these i need a couple of months under my belt....i can revel in the thought of "me" far far far from this place i seem to be dwelling in.
there's the whole grieving thing-- but added to that, it seems since the end of JAD i've not been able to kick all this grey out of me. it's a different kind of grey-junk-funk-ick-mess that seems to be like super glue that you accidently spill on your fingers and it's so hard to get off.
i never wish time to go any faster than it already does but at times like these i need a couple of months under my belt....i can revel in the thought of "me" far far far from this place i seem to be dwelling in.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
any good detox
the first day is awful.
my stomach hurts and i feel depressed. drinking wine with neighbors tonight might not be the smartest idea-but going into work is not something i'd like to do either.
i think sharing a meal is a really nice thing to do but i'm so afraid i'll break my nothing negative goal on the first day that i worry--
i don't know what will shake this---
maybe a run. lets try that.
my stomach hurts and i feel depressed. drinking wine with neighbors tonight might not be the smartest idea-but going into work is not something i'd like to do either.
i think sharing a meal is a really nice thing to do but i'm so afraid i'll break my nothing negative goal on the first day that i worry--
i don't know what will shake this---
maybe a run. lets try that.
no time like today
i can't actually start right now- but i'm ready.
i am really ready.
i am shedding all things him and embracing all things me.
not just him. any-him that causes me to sigh,be frustrated or question my sanity!
i'm going back to days that i make me happy on my own,with my friends and in the simplicity of nature.
yup it took too long.
yup i'm feeling pretty dumb.
but yup-what goes around comes around and i'm ready to run.
game on.
i am really ready.
i am shedding all things him and embracing all things me.
not just him. any-him that causes me to sigh,be frustrated or question my sanity!
i'm going back to days that i make me happy on my own,with my friends and in the simplicity of nature.
yup it took too long.
yup i'm feeling pretty dumb.
but yup-what goes around comes around and i'm ready to run.
game on.
Friday, April 3, 2009
reaching for my boot straps
it's always hard starting anew especially when i was going pretty well for awhile. a few setbacks and i took a big time break from working out and eating right. def. didn't make much sense but nothing else in my world was making much sense, so i followed suit.
i am going to revamp this blog since i haven't talked to justin in forever and it doesn't seem like he is as interested in venting his challenges to the world as i seem so good at. it's as though i'm a constant stream of rambles all over the place; in emails to friends, in two blogs, on my FB page, Twitter, gchat, and wherever else i seem to be able to spill my ongoing dialogue onto.
at this point i don't know if it's out of control, therapeutic or just frivilous!?
and also at this point- i'm NOT interested in answering the last question, but am interested in reaching down ever so slowly to get ahole of those boot straps. each time i have to bend a little lower and hold on a littler tighter to those tattered peices of myself that help me to pull myself up and stand up straight facing the world anew.
facing the world anew with new goals and hopes. and dear lord,jesus and any other spiritual beings that would like to help, please help my lessons to be ones I LEARN and not allow myself to sacrifice goodness for unworthy recipients.
friday i am heading to zumba after my long hiatus and then will try to hit the gym at least 3 times next week.
i am going to revamp this blog since i haven't talked to justin in forever and it doesn't seem like he is as interested in venting his challenges to the world as i seem so good at. it's as though i'm a constant stream of rambles all over the place; in emails to friends, in two blogs, on my FB page, Twitter, gchat, and wherever else i seem to be able to spill my ongoing dialogue onto.
at this point i don't know if it's out of control, therapeutic or just frivilous!?
and also at this point- i'm NOT interested in answering the last question, but am interested in reaching down ever so slowly to get ahole of those boot straps. each time i have to bend a little lower and hold on a littler tighter to those tattered peices of myself that help me to pull myself up and stand up straight facing the world anew.
facing the world anew with new goals and hopes. and dear lord,jesus and any other spiritual beings that would like to help, please help my lessons to be ones I LEARN and not allow myself to sacrifice goodness for unworthy recipients.
friday i am heading to zumba after my long hiatus and then will try to hit the gym at least 3 times next week.
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About Me
- JPS
- i'm full of sarcasm, it's how i deal with some of the more frustrating moments of my life. fitness is important to me and anytime i'm in a funk-its' probably because i haven't worked out! i could write forever but sadly have some of the worst grammar ever. and have no plans to fix it.