catching up with life

i've written about this before- i think after riding the bus on the first day of my new job.

it's a really cool feeling that you don't get too often.

and i've vented about this to all of you and then some more and now yet again... but change can really turn this sideways and upside down and down side up- you get what i'm talking about.

it can make the scale go up. the alarm clock not work so well at waking you up. bad choices (like endless amounts of wine) (or staying in contact with jacob) seem like good ideas. cooking is difficult. take out is easy. and suddenly twitter is the only thing constantly moving forward in your life.

my past dozen or so of posts are about change. moving forward. trying new things. getting back in shape. back to eating right. starting anew-- you hear me yet?

but i have also learned you can run your mouths (my mouths) over and over again, all over the place, on every social network page you own or joined but nothing matters until that change happens.

and when it happens, you know its good.

last night i passed on a couple of social options and tried really hard to get some cleaning done. and was 80% successful. went to bed with a clean sink and most of my clothes put away. and i was able to paint my nails...long before hitting the pillow as to avoid the most unattractive manicure with marks from the sheets.

what i'm saying is i was able to sit and let everything stop for a minute and feel ok. which means that a couple more hermit like nights and i think i'll stop feeling like i'm running on a hamster wheel, not crossing anything off my list only adding and adding and adding.

i just want to stop feeling like i'm one day behind life and 1.50 or 10 dollars short...

friday

went for a morning run with erika (neighbor). was good. just want my body needed- well that and some intensive workouts to get back into the place that feels good.

detox is feeling better. going to make a "eat like a normal person" shopping list and restock the fridge with normal food vs. random purchases made during late night Giant trips.

really enjoying warm weather and sun and happy to look down on my toolbar and see sunny forecasts for the couple of days.

picked up erich fromms "the art of love" from a yardsale and really enjoyed one of his theories on falling in love. that what we feel for a person in the beginning of a relationship is not actually falling in love and when everything fizzles its not the person we miss but rather we realize the depth of our loneliness prior to meeting that person.

obviously he says it much better than i- i will update it when i have the book in front of me. but def. put some of my actions into clearer more accurate perspective.

glad to know i'm normal. ;)

when i start working out on the regular and feel better wholly and fully- this time- i'm not looking back.